Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
15 Things White Girls Love To Do on Facebook
http://25pillsaday.wordpress.com/2011/12/04/15-things-white-girls-love-to-do-on-facebook/
Read this, so true!
Read this, so true!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
An awesome zebra joke
Some zebras decided to ask a wise owl if they were black with white stripes or white with black stripes but the owl merely replied you are what you are.
Confused, zebra1 asked zebra2 other what that meant.
zebra2: it means we're white with black stripes
zebra1: how do you know?
zebra2: cos if we were black with white stripes the owl would have said yo is what yo is.
Confused, zebra1 asked zebra2 other what that meant.
zebra2: it means we're white with black stripes
zebra1: how do you know?
zebra2: cos if we were black with white stripes the owl would have said yo is what yo is.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
A Creative Writing professor told his class one day:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting next to his or her desk.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca (PINK)
Bill (BLUE)
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Bill )
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped it’s pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
( Bill )
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam , felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized even poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
( Bill )
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. " Oh, shall I
have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F&&&ING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo. I guess I've read too many Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
Asshole.
( Bill )
Bitch!
(Rebecca)
F!!! YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
( Bill )
In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca (PINK)
Bill (BLUE)
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Bill )
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped it’s pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
( Bill )
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam , felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized even poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
( Bill )
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. " Oh, shall I
have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F&&&ING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo. I guess I've read too many Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
Asshole.
( Bill )
Bitch!
(Rebecca)
F!!! YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
( Bill )
In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one
Monday, October 17, 2011
Poetry time!
These are entríes to a washíngton post competítíon askíng for a two-line rhyme wíth the most romantíc fírst line, and the least romantíc second line:
- My darling, my lover, my beautíful wífe:
Marryíng you has screwed up my life. - I see your face when I am dreamíng.
That's why I always wake up screamíng. - Kínd, íntelligent, lovíng and hot;
Thís descríbes everythíng you are not. - Love may be beautíful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept wíth you 'cause I was píssed. - I thought that I could love no other
-- that ís, untíl I met your brother. - Roses are red, víolets are blue, sugar ís sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wíltíng, the víolets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty, and so ís your head. - I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face. - I love your smíle, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies! - My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped ín to smell thís way? - My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.' - What ínspíred thís amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Our Yearly Dementia Test-- only 4 questions
Our Yearly Dementia Test-- only 4 questions
It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else…
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water.. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.
Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat.
Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and
a blue house is made from blue bricks and
a pink house is made from pink bricks and
a black house is made from black bricks,
what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???
If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
4. Without using a calculator -
You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales .
In London , 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven...
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own age...
It was YOU driving the bus!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!
It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else…
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water.. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.
Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat.
Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and
a blue house is made from blue bricks and
a pink house is made from pink bricks and
a black house is made from black bricks,
what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???
If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
4. Without using a calculator -
You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales .
In London , 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven...
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own age...
It was YOU driving the bus!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
The economy is so bad that ...
… my neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
… wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
… CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
… Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
… a stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
… I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
… if the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
… McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
… Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
… parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
… my cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
… a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
… a picture is now only worth 200 words.
… when Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
… the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
… wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
… CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
… Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
… a stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
… I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
… if the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
… McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
… Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
… parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
… my cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
… a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
… a picture is now only worth 200 words.
… when Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
… the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
A Mother's Love.
When we trust the makers of baby formula more than we do our own ability to nourish our babies, we lose a chance to claim an aspect of our power as women. Thinking that baby formula is as good as breast milk is believing that thirty years of technology is superior to three million years of nature's evolution. Countless women have regained trust in their bodies through nursing their children, even if they weren't sure at first that they could do it. It is an act of female power, and I think of it as feminism in its purest form. ~Christine Northrup
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
What would you be doing tonight?
For some reason, can't put the youtube here, so here goes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jx2yQejrrUE&ob
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jx2yQejrrUE&ob
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Commonly used phrases we say but never realise they cancel each other out:
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
Friday, July 15, 2011
How Men Change
How men change
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!
Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??
New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!
Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!
Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??
New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!
Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Professor at IIMs explaining marketing concepts to Students
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she
goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she
goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
More shots at LeBron James...
From al.com:
From Jokes4Us.com:
- Today is National LeBron James Day. Everyone gets to leave work 12 minutes early!
- Maybe LeBron should try hockey. The NHL only has three periods.
- The haters woke up today with their same lives, just as LeBron woke up today with the same no. of championships they have.
From Jokes4Us.com:
- How do you know you’ve found Lebron James’ cell phone? It vibrates and receives calls, but doesn’t have a ring!
- Why did Lebron head down South? Because his mother went West!
- Why can’t Lebron James write his Auto-Biography? He can’t come up with a title!
- If you ask LeBron for change for a dollar, he’ll only give you 75 cents. He never has the fourth quarter.
- Why didn’t LeBron go to college? He was afraid of the Finals.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
One of the best motivation quotes...
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Some jokes for you guys...
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."
The third boy says, "Vibrator, Miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?" "Now tell me, what the f*#k would you say?"
Monday, June 6, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Two great quotes
“I knew I was a winner back in the late sixties. I knew I was destined for great things. People will say that kind of thinking is totally immodest. I agree. Modesty is not a word that applies to me in any way – I hope it never will.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle, victorious.” – Vince Lombardi
“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle, victorious.” – Vince Lombardi
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Proof that being cute and sexy are not mutually exclusive.
There's another living proof, but that's for some other time. ;)
Friday, April 29, 2011
A Twitter to share...
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing... Unless you're at a funeral"
"I'm no gynecologist but I know a cunt when I see one."
"you're useless like pants on a hooker."
"Girls, there's a fine line between wearing make-up or just looking like you got gang banged by Crayola."
Like these quotes? Follow http://twitter.com/#!/LordStewie.
"I'm no gynecologist but I know a cunt when I see one."
"you're useless like pants on a hooker."
"Girls, there's a fine line between wearing make-up or just looking like you got gang banged by Crayola."
Like these quotes? Follow http://twitter.com/#!/LordStewie.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
GE 2011 in Singapore
The General Elections in Singapore are coming, and I found this a very interesting read (it is a note I found on Facebook):
After seeing so many of my friends express their opinions on the coming General Elections, I have decided to have a go at it as well; in a slightly more interesting manner (or at least in my own twisted opinion).
This is a story about a young emperor. Together with his empress, the two slogged hard and soon, the country became propserous. Like every other emperor, this young emperor soon took in concubines. The empress was a little upset, but accepted it; for it was the norm.
What happened next, should not surprise any of you. The emperor soon neglected the empress and began spending more time with his concubines. Although most of these concubines did not demand a lot of money from him, what the emperor didn't know what that these concubines frequently caused much other problems. For example, they would often hog all the horse carriages; leaving ministers with important errands to run fuming; quite literally.
The country continued to prosper. Other countries grew interested and sent emissaries to visit. The emperor was delighted and took pride in such visits. However, he would often entertain the emissaries together with his concubines, forgetting about the empress totally, although she was the one who went through the tough times with him. In fact, there was this time when there was a tribal rebellion, and it was the empress who braved dangers to negotiate peace with the tribe chieftain. Alas, it has been forgetten. The emperor would boast of his concubines' accomplishments but it never once crossed his mind to mention the wonderful things his empress have done. He believed that as long as he gave her gifts every now and then, she would be contended.
Although the emperor appeared to be doing well, there were actually a lot of problems. It
wasn't long before many of the newly appointed ministers in the court turned out to be relatives of the concubines. Many of them were young and grew up in the palace, thanks to their relations with the concubines. They had never step foot into the paddy fields before nor seen the dirty streets in the villages. They had the mindset that everyone dine with fine meat and had quality wine to drink. One even commented that it was cheap to send a child to school, when most of the villagers could not even afford to. What was more saddening was that some other more qualified scholars were denied the chance to serve in the royal court because of such.
The empress didn't get along too well with the concubines either. Yet instead of trying to
mediatate matters, the emperor chose to give more work to his empress, hoping to keep her preoccupied and too busy for other matters. In fact, the emperor decided that the empress was to join his generals at the military barracks for a fortnight every year. Naturally, the empress felt a little peeved; after all, it was no fun transiting from a civilian life to that of a soldier. However, she felt that it was a valuable experience and after all, it was part of defending the empire she had built up. Unfortunately this feeling was short-lived. The final straw came on this one year when she was about to leave for the military visit again and she saw the emperor with one of his concubines having breakfast at a pavilion. She was infuriated and realized then that the emperor didn't even know that she was to be leaving for the camp that day. She felt lost. She had been committing to the defence cause, but whom and what was she defending?
That year, the empress didn't went to the barracks. She returned to the palace. She decided to take a walk around and a frightening realization dawned upon her. The palace which she had lived in was no longer recognizable to her. The palace exuded more grandeur with great sculptures, fine pieces of arts and literature. But she couldn't recognize too many people. Where was the old gardener whom she had brought in? He would greet her cheerfully every morning, but now, the person who was tending to the flowers had a sullen face. The empress noticed that this new gardener was able to water the plants much faster, but he was very rough with the plants and did not bother about sweeping away the dry fallen leaves. The empress then went to the kitchens. Similarly, the cooks were all changed as well. This new batch took a shorter time to whip up dishes, but the kitchen was unkempt and the sound of the woks being constantly slammed against the stoves was plain annoying.
Disheartened, the empress did not wish to continue with her walk any further. She retired to her chambers and pondered. As the empress, she had the power to bring in people of her own. People who could assist the royal court; ranging from the gardener to the court ministers.
Did she?
Saturday, April 9, 2011
My favourite soccer player-Beckham
Obviously this is an advertisement for Pepsi, but his talent and flair cannot be denied.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Celebrating one of the best music...
I apologize for not using an original for the second clip, but I like the MV.
Cheers.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Chris Medina-What are words
A man should always honor his words.
Sidenote: Initially I felt that it was a faggy song...I guess I have to change my stance. I never doubted the meaningfulness behind the song, but I guess the song's pretty catchy and stuck.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Would anyone know the difference?
A friend tells me the story of a father who took his two boys to play mini-golf. At the ticket office he wanted to know the price.
- Five coins for adults, three for those over six years. Under six years entry is free.
- One of them is three, the other seven. I’ll pay for the oldest.
- You are silly – said the ticket seller. You could have saved three coins, saying that the oldest was under six; I would never have known the difference.
- That may be, but the boys would know. And they would remember the bad example for ever.
Another great story by Paulo Coelho.
- Five coins for adults, three for those over six years. Under six years entry is free.
- One of them is three, the other seven. I’ll pay for the oldest.
- You are silly – said the ticket seller. You could have saved three coins, saying that the oldest was under six; I would never have known the difference.
- That may be, but the boys would know. And they would remember the bad example for ever.
Another great story by Paulo Coelho.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Why Zidane is the greatest player ever
Definitely got me awed, and do check out shootscoresmile.blogspot.com too.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
TV shows for if you're bored!
(in no order of preference)
[Comedy] The Big Bang Theory
[Comedy] How I Met Your Mother
[Comedy] Two and a Half Men
[Comedy] Rules of Engagement
[Supernatural] Vampire Diaries
[Comedy] The Big Bang Theory
[Comedy] How I Met Your Mother
[Comedy] Two and a Half Men
[Comedy] Rules of Engagement
[Supernatural] Vampire Diaries
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Marketing matters...even in Charity.
A blind boy was waiting for someone to drop a coin in his can, he had a board beside written,
“I’m blind, please pity..”
A man came and dropped a coin and erased what was on the board....
Soon the boy heard a lot of coins being dropped in his can. The boy wondered and asked someone to read what is on the board. It says,
“Today is a beautiful day, too bad I can’t see it.”
“I’m blind, please pity..”
A man came and dropped a coin and erased what was on the board....
Soon the boy heard a lot of coins being dropped in his can. The boy wondered and asked someone to read what is on the board. It says,
“Today is a beautiful day, too bad I can’t see it.”
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Get in line, bitch
Also, I know I've said this before, but if you like this blog, you would definitely enjoy this as well.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Today, I shall teach you how to get a girl
No offence to any female readers, but let's be truthful, size matters; and by side, I meant, the size of the paycheck.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Why Weights training is good.
1. It teaches you to be humble.
If you can’t bench as much as the guy at the station, you simply can’t. Weights training teaches you to accept your limitations and work to stretch further
2. It pushes you out of your comfort zone.
You’re taught to perform exercises otherwise never done before. To experiment with ideas you have never known before.
3. Weights training encourages progress.
You aim to be able to lift more as time pass. This is a positive and motivating mindset to have. You strive to improve and be better with each passing day.
4. It reinforces the concept of hard work being the backbone of success.
You need to put in effort. And constantly push yourself to gain strength. Work hard and reap rewards.
5. Weight training instills discipline.
There will be times when you feel like puking and have no wish to finish the sets or the reps. Discipline will ensure you do.
There will be times when you don’t feel like going to the gym, because you’re sore. Discipline will ensure you do.
6. It makes you realize you can’t get something without sacrificing another.
Everything comes at a price. If you want good grades, you need to study, and that means lesser time for leisure, be it spent taking out zombies or watching the latest movies. Similar, to gain strength, you need to spend the time in the gym and put in efforts.
7. You only answer to yourself.
You can spend 1 hour in the gym. But what you actually do in that 1 hour, only you know.
8. Going to a gym teaches you to be polite and to share.
There’s only 1 squat rack in the gym I go to. There’s only one pair of whatever weightage of DBs in my gym as well.
Be polite, smile, share and the world might just seem friendlier.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Coin Toss Logic
When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin.
It works not because it settles the question for you,
but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air,
you suddenly know what you are hoping for.
It works not because it settles the question for you,
but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air,
you suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Direction of this blog
This blog would seek to embrace the good things in life. It can be in the form of bringing something old (but good) back or simply bringing your attention to something you have never known. Or sharing really cool writings. Whatever it is, everything here will only serve to bring delight to your life. I hope you, my readers, would enjoy your time spent here.
Also, if you like this blog, you may like this too.
Also, if you like this blog, you may like this too.
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